Thinking outside the box while living rent-free in your head ... dopey expressions can give you a headache

I'm just sayin'. No, wait, I'm not just sayin', especially at the end of the day.

Photo by Yuriy Vertikov on Unsplash

Even in 2026, words still have meaning. Or should, anyway.

Alas, some words get wrongly repackaged, repurposed, reconfigured and recast for reprehensible reasons. In the words of Chico Marx, thassa no good.

The trick is to stop such malicious usage of language at every front, from the mountains to the prairies to the oceans white with foam and polluted by plastic. So when you hear people use a false phrase, correct them even if it takes every last breath in your body. Or just frown and slowly shake your head in disgust. Such expressions include …

“All I can say is …”

All I can say about people who say “All I can say is” is that they’re kidding themselves.

Whenever you hear them say “All I can say is,” they follow it with a lot more than whatever it is that is all they can say. They aren’t the least bit concise. They certainly haven’t rolled all their thoughts into one salient point. They’re frauds. Nay, they’re charlatans. Which is just another word for “frauds,” but it sounds like more of an insult.

“All I can say is” is a big buildup to a dramatic moment that never arrives. “All I can say is my ex-partner is no damn good” should pack a wallop. But it doesn’t, because it always is followed by a laundry list of the ex-partner’s flaws and sins, and it quickly gets as monotonous as a bus ride across Nebraska.

No one who ever says “All I can say is” knows the first thing about the art of editing. It’s four unnecessary words coming from someone who is about to lay hundreds and probably thousands more on you.

It’s like going to the movies with someone who says “Just one handful” when you offer them some of your popcorn, and their hand proceeds to take up permanent residence in the tub of corn until the snack is nothing but old maids.

If someone starts a comment with “All I can say is,” finishes it in one sentence, and then moves on to something else or opts to listen to your reply, you have encountered a creature rarer than a Northern white rhinoceros. Embrace it. The person, that is, not the rhino.

“I’m just sayin’”

What the double hockey sticks does that mean? Everything you say is just sayin’.

It is said to cushion the blow of a harsh thing the person just said, but it fails miserably.

“You remind me of Charlie Manson. I’m just sayin’.”

It’s like someone threw a brick through your windshield and then hid their hands behind their back.

“Your dog is ugly. You should shave its butt and teach it to walk backward.”

Hey, that’s mean!

“I’m just sayin’”

Oh. Well, alrighty then.

It’s offending someone and then trying to walk it back with less effort than it takes to grill a hot dog over an open fire. You’re not really trying to start something unpleasant, and adding “I’m just sayin’” proves it. After you’ve already started something unpleasant, of course.

“It’s been a minute.”

This is a relatively new one. I don’t how it started, but it needs to stop.

Someone says “It’s been a minute” in describing something that hasn’t happened in a month or two, or far more likely, a year or more. By the way, there are 1,440 minutes in one day alone.

Photo by Badhon Ebrahim on Unsplash

If you greet someone you haven’t seen since before the COVID-19 pandemic and the response is “Great to see you, it’s been a minute,” remind them it’s actually been over 3 million minutes.

Don’t give them the chance to say “It’s been a minute” when you are first reunited. Quickly blurt out “Great to see you, it’s been over 3 million minutes.” That only tacks on one more word and it’s 3 million times more honest. Plus, your old friend doesn’t have to worry that you’ve lost your capacity to tell time and do simple math.

Of course, there is a danger they’ll think “My gosh, that pandemic must have really been rough on you,” but being honest sometimes comes with a risk. Be brave. It’s worth it!

“At the end of the day …”

Who’s to blame for this catastrophe of a phrase? You hear it so often, yet it never means anything.

It’s stated as fact, like you’re about to hear the summation of all summations, the truth of all truths.

“At the end of the day, I knew I made the right choice.”

What, you couldn’t come to that same conclusion by afternoon tea, or when it’s time to clear the dishes from the dinner table? Or at least 15 minutes before the end of the day?

Nooooo! You went to bed, turned out the lights, closed your eyes, and suddenly you hit on total awareness.

At the end of the day, another day is done. Now that is end-of-the-day truth-telling. Unfortunately, it’s stating the painfully obvious and never requires being uttered. So skip it and get some sleep.

“Low-hanging fruit”

Low-hanging fruit is a metaphor for something easy to do or attain. It does make some sense, because actual low-hanging fruit is easier to pick than, say, apples or cherries or coconuts. However, it insults hard-working laborers.

Go tell a field worker that picking berries or grapes for eight hours a day under the big hard sun is easy because it’s low-hanging fruit. That’s a good way to get a watermelon dropped on your coconut, er, noggin.

Photo by Luba Glazunova on Unsplash

Low-hanging fruit is in the eye of the beholder, anyway. To many, low-hanging fruit is understanding crypto currency or knowing how to properly load a dishwasher. To others like me, those things might as well be climbing a coconut tree while wearing flip flops.

By the way, I enjoy strawberries and blueberries and raspberries. They’re tasty and good for you. I don’t care if they are low-hanging fruit. I really don’t. I mean it. I don’t.

“Thinking outside the box”

What box? How big is the box? What goes on inside the box that makes you want to think outside it?

Sure, sure, thinking outside the box means considering unconventional solutions in doing or approaching things. But why not just say “Let’s consider an uncommon way to look at this problem” rather than “Let’s think outside the box,” and spare everyone else from wondering what box, how big is the box, and what goes inside the box that makes you want to think outside it?

And what if you work at a box factory? Wouldn’t it be counterproductive to think outside the box? Or, if you were employed at a box factory ,wouldn’t your goal be to one day work outside of a box factory? Unless, that is, you were a corporate suck-up who wanted to climb the box factory ladder. To each their own.

Why can’t you think outside the circle instead? Or outside the triangle, or the cone, or the pyramid? I’ve only been inside one pyramid in my life that I’m aware of, and that was in Las Vegas, not Egypt. I found I did much better thinking once I got outside the Luxor Las Vegas.

The tip of that pyramid has the Luxor Sky Beam, said to be the world’s most-powerful man-made light. I guess you can see it from space, but I can’t verify that first-hand. The resort is 33 years old, and I have yet to figure out why it needs that beam or what its purpose serves other than attracting moths.

Anyway, “thinking outside the box” has become so cliche that it’s actually thinking inside the box. Which again leads us to wonder what box, how big is the box, and what goes on inside the box that you have to think outside of it even though you’re actually back in it because thinking outside the box is no longer outside the box?

“Living rent-free in your head”

This one’s the worst. It always comes from a dope claiming he or she weaseled into your thoughts in a most unwanted way.

People who say that always think it’s incredibly clever. They act like they’re the first ones to ever utter the phrase, though even they know it’s as unoriginal as a cheese pizza. They always seem quite pleased to make the claim as if being supremely irritating is an accomplishment of note.

They are, of course, half-wits.

However, if they’re telling the truth they are unscrupulous at best. They’re not paying a dime of rent to take up space in your thoughts. They’re either terrible tenants or they’re squatters. They should be embarrassed. Yet, they’re proud of it!

Worse, they’re implying you are an incompetent landlord. So the next time anyone tells you they’re living rent-free in your head, demand payment immediately. Make it a large amount. Tell them if they want to live rent-free, go pitch a tent near some railroad tracks. And find a job so they can start working their way up to a one-bedroom apartment.

If you’re feeling more helpful than vengeful, suggest they could earn a nice side income by charging people to live inside their heads.

You may get little but scorn and insults as a response, but you’ll be in their heads. Which may not be where you want to spend your time. However, try to remember there is a big advantage to it. It’s rent-free!

I’m a member of the Iowa Writers Collaborative. Please sample the talents of my fellow collaborative members. If you can afford to be a paid subscriber, that would be great. If not, the vast majority is available rent-free.

My email is mikehlas1@gmail.com. Feel free to write. What’s the worst thing that happen, other than me responding?